help! i need somebody

i'm really bad at asking for help. or accepting it.

last week, i took the boys for an afternoon grocery run to what's known around these parts as the dirty kroger. this name didn't stick for me until i happened upon two guys opening jars of mustard. and putting them back on the shelf. try feeling normal reporting that to your friendly kroger staffperson. anyway, we returned home from this trip with a 4runner full of non-mustard safety-sealed essentials. i hauled the boys up the steps and returned down to find my neighbor offering to help me carry the goods. my response? "oh, i mean, you totally don't have to, but if you want to help, sure..." what it should have been? "um, YES, you can help me! thaaaaaaanks!"

like i said, i'm really bad at this whole help thing.

enter a most opportune opportunity to ask for and receive help. or, my husband going to africa for eleven days.

i have been humbled and helped and taken care of and supported and loved. and jeremy's only been gone since thursday.

the first night, my friend, chandi, brought over dinner from shiraz (just an additional affirmation that God loves me). and chocolate cake (bonus love). joseph totally went bonkers in his what-we-have-guests-over? way, and she totally responded by singing nursery rhymes to him while i put jude to sleep. amazing.

yesterday, my friend, megan, came over and gave joseph undivided attention while i took jude on a coffee run. and to purchase easter buckets, because we're just not going to get the same mileage out of baskets as we will buckets. also amazing.

today, pouring down rain during the get myself and the boys to church push resulted in umbrellas shared and curbside valet parking (or one of our friends parking the car for me while we dried off inside). tomorrow, i have two friends helping at two different parts of the day! then the next day more help! and then, more offers for help! which i'm taking! and thursday, super-grammie is swooping in to help us through the homestretch. by easter sunday when my husband returns, i'm going to be a help-receiving and help-requesting machine.

but even when not experiencing this husband out of the country thing, i'm constantly in need of help. i just don't like to admit it. one of my favorite passages in the bible is psalm 121:1-2 --

"i lift up my eyes to the hills.
from where does my help come?
my help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth."

i can remember reading this a long time ago and thinking of the hills as these beautiful far off the hills are alive with the sound of music hills. now i think of them as get through the hour between 6 and 7 am with your awake toddler hills. if i'm honest, i can admit that the point in the mother-son tantrum hills in which i finally ask the Lord for help is probably my least favorite place to be. but shouldn't it really be my favorite -- this place of finally seeing myself for who i am? aren't i always in need of help?

yes. yes, i am.

the other day, i knew i needed His help. but i resisted. then, i thought of psalm 46: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." and guess what? the whole very present thing did not feel reassuring. because i was being mean to joseph. and God was present. very present.

"you have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence." psalm 90:8

most of my life-changing who i really am moments of awareness are like this. when i see my sinful heart in moments of secret sin and i see my need for saving. and then i see from where my help comes: Jesus.

"but he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed." isaiah 53:7

healed.

helped. like to the ultimate.

saved.

thank You, Lord.

"praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy." -- psalm 28:6


--


p.s. somebody help me with this new buzz lightyear, ie. jump off of everything and sometimes with eyes closed: "i'm buzz lightyear; i close my eyes when i'm flying" stage. :)

and this one. what's a girl to do?

springtime y'all

our week at a glance:

{sojourn midtown on a sunday night}

{trader joe’s in the rain. the pouring rain. like we got soaking wet. admittedly not the best move on mama’s part.}

{we're in love.}

{this kid was barrreeeely awake.}

{the daughertys move! goodbye walking to meet them at kennedy park. hello very cool neighborhood they’ve wanted to live in since they uprooted to louisville.}

{safari bus at the zoo.} {safari bus last september!}

{joseph proclaims “i like salad!” while eating a kale smoothie popsicle. we started popsicles super early this year because by the time i thought of popsicles last summer, the molds were sold out everywhere!}

{jude finds his feet!}

how was your week?

opening the windows

some refreshing moments from the past few weeks:

a get-away with my sweet and our littler sweet to indianapolis. grammie flew in --



(second from the left, followed by joseph, mama, and jude)

-- and blessed us with three days away. in return, we handed over joseph, the keys to the 4runner, and free reign of the city of louisville. and comfy cow was had.



re-reading the joy of quiet. in light of going on a get-away. and in light of realizing how much screen-time/my-face-hurts time is in my life lately.

reading this post the other day. and laughing at yogurt. and reallllly wanting to watch the sound of music. i don't personally know the author, greta -- in fact, i think she's the first we're probably never going to meet blogger that i started following. the first post of hers that i read was about the chronicles of narnia and breastfeeding. you had me at hello. :)

the word. this, in particular --



-- psalm 119:25. speaking truth to my aforementioned my-face-hurts habits. spurring me on in keeping the giving-it-up-for-lent that i've had a really hard time sticking to: no facebook and blogs during the day. oi.

reading more of this book. sigh. i think that i thought it was going to be kind of like captivating. maybe the butterfly on the cover or something. i'm not saying captivating doesn't have its strengths, but this is not captivating. it's refreshing. the author speaks right to my heart and tells me what is most true about me: that i am in Christ. and how this changes everything. highly recommend it.




this moment. following a particularly rough morning. opening the windows in my room and embracing that joseph stillll loves to tunnel under the covers.



annnnd jude in a diaper. always refreshing. :)



happy tuesday, y'all.

loves

it's been a rough week.

kobe's exhausted.

but we made it.

i think.

and now, it's valentine's day!

this afternoon, i attempted to recollect a series of valentine's day gifts given to me by jeremy scott linneman, but the most i could remember was chocolate, the movie hitch, and non-alcoholic wine on our first ever (pre-21 years old) valentine's day, which was actually before we were dating but both thought the other was realllly cute. i recall giving jeremy a homemade card quoting elvis on said first valentine's day; front: "a wise man once said 'a little less conversation'" inside: "i've been enjoying a little more conversation myself, hmm?" code for: "in about a month should we go on a sunrise to sunset date and then get married a year and a half later?" also, elvis is a big part of our relationship. seriously. think: stories of elvis' legitimate cousin living across the street from jeremy's parents helps jeremy woo jessie. i love that our first valentine's day had a strong elvis presence.

anyway, this year's valentine's day comes at the end of a pretty rough week. my super manly handsome husband was wiped out pretty bad by the flu. for a week. like, not the "flu," as in he's not feeling so hot but the actual flu virus. but he's on the mend! so tonight was bluegrass burgers take-out PLUS i got to drive to go get it all by myself, ie. enjoy the normal everyday pastime that has become luxury known as alone time away from home driving in a car listening to music. dinner was followed by a family drive through cherokee park, ie. we just really need to get these boys in their carseats and get out of this apartment. and now we're going to complete the evening by watching some parks and recreation. love.

other things/people i love:

this guy, in just woke up from a nap mode.

my motor scooter boots.

jude. also, his outfit said "rock and roll" on the back.

jude smiling his joseph's-around-me smile.

i just asked jeremy if he wanted me to add a picture of him in the things/people i love list. his response: "i don't like my face on the internet." so, i love him too, but, well, he doesn't like his face on the internet.

happy valentine's day, friends :)

i tried to get the boys to do a little valentine's day project today.

it didn't go so well.

sorry, guys. especially you, jude :)

my sister's getting married in june. i just got to proofread her invitation, and, with heart-stopping drama, i noticed right before i sent the all-clear that there was an "at" at the end of the line that says "joyfully request the honour of our presence at" AND at the beginning of the next line that says "at an outdoor ceremony uniting." sigh. could have been bad. we have our wedding invitation framed on our wall, and i've found myself searching for typos many a time. i haven't found one yet. oi, that'll be the day. :)

speaking of marriage, we are going on a bed & breakfast getaway a couple of weeks from now. it's going to be wonderful. our last getaway was to gulf shores when i was pregnant with joseph. that's a long time and a toddler ago. i'm excited.

hmm..what else? it's been a good week. we went to comfy cow (a wonderful bright pink ice cream shop) twice. my parents came to visit on saturday, so we took them that night. then, last night, about two minutes after jeremy left for the evening, joseph, with extremely effective persuasiveness for a two-year-old, said, "hey, mama.. you wanna go to comfy cow?" yes. yes, i do. we did. the first time we took joseph to comfy cow, he kept looking around saying "i like this." i think he was trying really hard to communicate sheer joy.

and it's been a good week outside of comfy cow. :) i feel like i've had lots of wow, i'm not alone in this thought conversations. refreshing. and we got to spend friday outside. beautiful. and i made some things: a couple of cards





and a sweet lego staircase



a really good week. how was yours?

breakthrough.

and i'm through with my blog break. blog break through? :)

i read i think one of my favorite articles ever in time magazine yesterday. it began with the author hiding in a bathroom while at a cocktail party. tractor beam: sucked me right in. once, when i went to kansas city and happened to meet all of jeremy's high school friends and distant relatives in one weekend before he left for alaska for the summer, i hid in a bathroom. and did pushups.

so anyway, the article is so good. it's about being introverted. and i am. sort of. okay, a lot, i think.

the reason i like it so much is the ending. the author has spent the entire article describing characteristics of introverts, almost to the point where the validating-resonating-encouraging effect is wearing off and things are starting to feel a bit hopeless for a reader who doesn't want to just call themselves an introvert and stop there. at the very end, he describes this professor who is extremely introverted yet teaches one of the most popular classes at harvard, spending most of his time lecturing and speaking. the professor calls this a phenomenon, the free trait theory: "the idea that while we have certain fixed bits of personality, we can act out of character in the service of core personal goals." he still feels stress in his position, but he's able to go on because, he says,  "the value of lecturing and speaking -- of truly connecting with his students -- trumps the discomfort his introversion can cause him."

i thought of playgroup. or sojourn on a sunday. so many people. i can go home lonely when i choose to let my fear of meeting someone new or having an awkward i actually don't know what to say conversation with somebody i sort of know trump the desire i have to connect with people and develop authentic friendships. and i thought of joseph, my sweet little introvert. he wants to have friends and play kindly with them, but he gets overwhelmed and selfish and he hits and screams no and pushes down babies. gulp.

i think there's more to it than being introverted for me. and for joseph. for me, there's a fear of man idol. i've been realizing/God's been showing me how exhausting and lonely and lifeless it is to fear man. i'm reading you can change by tim chester, and in this book, the author challenges readers to recognize the lie that is behind every sin and negative emotion and instead turn to truth. to choose that which satisfies over that which does not. kind of like the professor -- he chooses to his way more satisfying professor-ship over unsatisfying hiding in the bathroom.

i want to choose fear of God over fear of man.

but i need help.

i lift up my eyes to the hills.
from where does my help come?
my help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth. -- psalm 121:1-2

the Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall i fear?
the Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall i be afraid? -- psalm 27:1

two breakthroughs of the week: joseph got through a playdate without attacking his friend. huge. we prayed beforehand and saw God work so clearly in softening his heart. and i got through a playgroup without freaking out about what everyone thought of me. also huge. God is working in our hearts. we're introverts. and sinners. and we need him to help us.

oh, annnd here are my kids:

happy tuesday, friends. :)