quiet thought

it's a quiet thought and it's not exactly complete, but my heart is stirred tonight.

we had a members' meeting for sojourn. jude had a fever last night, so he stayed with me, which means he scrambled around in the back room while i half-listened, which was fine with me since the big one who skipped his nap to sing mahna-mahna was the rascally one today.

from my scrambling-supervising position, i could see these three mamas with their babies in carriers, all standing in the back swaying and bouncing with i think all three babes fighting sleep. it looked like a club that jude and i were sort of in, except he'd twist out of the carrier now and say "i want to get down." which is crazy.

over the hour and a half, i had five or six short conversations -- updates on my sister's baby shower, shared love of childcare at the end of a wednesday, how and when to jump into school decisions, garden sprouts and rabbits, etc.

nothing profound, but i realized driving home that i felt full.

a few months ago, this prayer request jumped out of my mouth and made me feel silly afterwards, but it was words overflowing out of a heart that felt very alone asking for prayer against that feeling and for courage to reach out. there is an enemy who tells lies that i believe; lies like you are by yourself and, even though it's not logically possible, the rest of the women here might actually be perfect and you should protect yourself. and i've seen over the past couple of months the Lord working in that -- in pointing out lies and also pointing out times to reach out and connect.

and then tonight was this wonderful and simple i'm not by myself feeling.

not by myself at sojourn, not by myself in what my life looks like, not by myself.

there's this group of beautiful instagram/blogger ladies that i tend to follow from afar because my friend natalie is one of them. a couple of weeks ago, they got together for a weekend, and i think for a lot of them to meet for the first time in "real life." as pictures popped up from their time, some of them sharing anxiety leading up to the weekend, from far away i saw how glorious these women who know the Lord getting together could be and started detecting, just barely feeling it, this glimpse of someone who doesn't want that to happen. who knows of its encouraging and life-giving potential. who wants to put anxiety and fear where excitement and anticipation could be.

it made me want to pray for them, so i did, which felt a little funny because they are really people but they're also sort of these instagram celebrities who i don't actually know.

anyway, that's connected to tonight's thought, too (mamas and babes, not by myself, instagram weekend meet-ups -- see it?) which i want to continue thinking and expanding. and i want to do more fighting against this sneaky devil. he knows how strong women who love God and aren't afraid of each other and are not by themselves can be.