just keep going

hmmm..i actually just sighed while this page was loading. because i have wanted to write but i haven't known what to write.

and that drives me crazy! and makes me eat ice cream. which isn't so bad.

joseph called his brother "judy" for most of this morning. it was kind of amazing.

and i've had to help jude (sorry -- judy) back to sleep about twelve times since putting him to sleep two hours ago. (twelve being my go-to number for exaggeration and the actual amount of times i've had to help him)

and that has been june. and may. we've had some rough weeks/month/month and a half/or so. but we've had some good in there too.

i'm not just trying to go all look on the bright side on you. although there is a bright side.

unless that sound i hear is joseph getting out of bed; then, there is no bright side. and i will quit.

not really.

but yeah, we've had some hard days around the linneman home. we've had sickness. and sickness. a babe who can't sleep. a toddler learning to be angry in new ways. a mama who likes to escape into wedding decoration world while her children are wanting her eye contact. five extra dogs in the apartment that already housed two dogs. dogs that bark. whiiiile babes are trying to sleep.

what's weird is that nothing has actually been that bad. it's just been a lot all at the same time. which also happened to be the time we had thought life was going to coast into summer (easy) mode.

we've been broken. lots. which has been really hard. and when it's been hard, my thoughts have been "this is dumb." "i just want to look at mason jar pictures on pinterest." "this is stupid." "i quit." and "my life is a joke." (that one happened when the double feature toy story AND toy story 2 were dropped out of the window of our moving vehicle at precisely the spot on the road my husband would kill me for trying to rescue it. i didn't try. okay, i almost did.)

and, at the same time as all of the above, i know that i've been sustained. God has sustained us. this hard season has been hopeful in that way -- in the way that a horrible (horrible) morning transforms into naptime and afternoon and after a breakdown, i'm washing dishes. and not crying. because i've been sustained.

it's been a season thick with this low-level sometimes makes me feel wimpy but sometimes makes me want to realllly over-dramatize it suffering. and when i look at my journal, my prayers, parts of the bible that have jumped out at me, it's thick with His work. which is amazing.

so, while i don't think this hard season is over, and i don't have the looking back now that it's easy conclusion that i'm sure would be pretty revolutionary, i can see that this is a season of abundance at the same time as being hard. i am seeing God revealing my heart and my need for Him and for friends and for help and for His word.

bright side.

oh, also, i don't have any pictures. (don't worry, things haven't been so bad that i wouldn't take pictures -- our camera went to france with our friends, and i have just been slow getting it back) sorrry :) if i did have any though, they'd for sure be of jude's two front teeth. so cute. and i'd probably show you the massive amount of mason jars on our piano excitedly anticipating their transformation into wedding centerpieces.

oh, and also, something that's been really amazing in our lives is this new way joseph takes something we tell him is going to happen and turns it into a surprise for us. he's still working on the surprise concept. case in point: me -- "joseph, we're going to have oatmeal for breakfast." joseph -- "mama, there's a surprise in the cabinet....it's something we eat for breakfast! it's..... (opens cabinet) OATMEAL!"

see? bright side. another one!

"for you, o God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
you brought us into the net;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
you let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance." -- psalm 66:10-12