this one:

melting my heart this week.

for real. the things that have come out of this bright-eyed boy have been sweet and hilarious and pretending-he's-a-friendly-bulldozer-all-morning wonderful.

last night i started this post fully intending to document a list in amazing things joseph has said this week fashion. then i realized that i couldn't remember more than one and even that one couldn't capture the heart-warmed i just want to look at you and how are you seriously this tall feeling i have for joseph bourne linneman. conveniently the post was cut short when jeremy heroically returned from his trip to target to purchase a new and fully functioning dvd player exactly 11 minutes after he left. studfest.

i realized later though that not being able to remember all of the things joseph had said was actually kind of perfect. i think part of the reason this has been such a sweet week with him is that i've been looking at him more. an imperfect facebook/instagram break will do that for a mama -- for me, at least -- open up space to look more clear-eyed at life before me and these boys. it feels like not having those moments documented is pretty fitting.

jude, who celebrates his half birthday today and insisted on adding jo-jo to the half birthday song, has also done his share of heart melting. including saying "look-at-that!" and squealing in laughter at things like open closet doors. and this morning he said "pilot."

i like when the Lord opens up space like this. i like seeing and hearing my boys. more thoughts on taking an instagram/facebook break another time. :)

for further reading:

joy of quiet

social networks explained

on preparing for sabbath

in defense of the iphone mom

saturdays are for sharing thoughts

it was a week that made me wake up this morning and think "well, that didn't work out so well." the thought was refreshing. i've noticed that's one of the gentle ways the Lord convicts me -- a quiet thought along those lines. a very matter-of-fact moment of realizing what i'm doing is not working.

it was a selfish week. it was a selfish week where i thought the world revolved around me, and you know what's true and interesting about all of the dizzying busy selfishy self-thoughts i have had this week? they haven't changed in any bit the fact that the world does not revolve around me. i've just been thinking that it does. and it's made me miserable and discontent and anxious.

this morning i read this to the boys from thoughts to make your heart sing:

"what if the planets put themselves at the center instead of the sun?

CATACLYSM!

the bible says that's what it was like when we sinned.

God made his children's heart to join together in the wonderful dance of joy -- orbiting and circling around him. but we put ourselves in the center instead of God. we put ourselves in God's place -- which is what sin is."

it's true: my heart was made to revolve around God. not me. it's sin when i put myself in God's place. and it also doesn't feel very good. because it's not what my heart was made to do.

after the first part of our morning, the boys were watching mighty machines, and i sat down to read and think, gearing up for some deep soul-searching and pondering. about two minutes in, jude (literally) galloped around the corner and ran up to the couch where he planted himself for a few seconds before climbing all over and pulling the cushions off and balancing on the side and that sort of thing. and again with the gentle voice from the Lord: i can just do that.

it really did make me think,

i can see how this week was really bad and how selfishly sinful my heart is and how it's not working for me AND i can just gallop to the Lord and hand that to him.

(not that i'd look this handsome.)

i love that the Lord showed me my sin AND His love at the same time.

so that's what i did. that's what i'm doing. turning to Him with only this simple notion of how this whole revolving around me mentality isn't working, so i'm going to ask Him to help my heart revolve around Him instead. and not in a buckle down and get to it way -- that's the best part! the rest of the thoughts to make your heart sing:

"it broke God's perfect world. and now our hearts are out of step with God and the universe and each other and our own selves.

but God had a plan.

and a Rescuer.

one day Jesus would come to take the cataclysm of our sin into his own heart.

and lead us back into the dance of joy."